Anyone else feel like there are these expectations for just about everything? Some examples that come to mind (particularly from a man’s perspective) are:
- On wedding day, crying and getting emotional when the bride walks in. I remember thinking that I would be judged if I didn’t get emotional and cry during my wedding day when Grace walked in, but in reality I was just happy! Silly expectations…(I did cry later, but that’s because of the allergies…)
- Or how I’m supposed to be filled with all kinds of emotions after graduating from either high school or college – honestly, I didn’t feel much different.
From everything I’ve read or watched videos on (darn social media), I’m now expected to have certain reactions to certain things – just youtube “husband finds out wife is pregnant” and I’m sure there are an insane amount of reactions, and unfortunately for people like me (I seem to struggle with expressing my feelings) people expect the same kind of reactions they’ve seen on their timelines. Soooo, here’s the story of how Grace told me she was pregnant.
We had come to the decision that we would start trying to get pregnant. We weren’t necessarily in a rush to get pregnant, but after seeing many friends take years of trying, we decided that we’d start early and see if we needed to go to doctors etc.. One day, Grace and I were sitting at home, and I really wanted a moscow mule, so I asked Grace to make me one (she’s much better at making them than I am). She decided she wanted one too, and decided to test before. She came back down with the pregnancy test and it showed positive. Her reaction? She was teary-eyed and smiling – not surprising though as Grace tends to cry for pretty much any movie. My reaction? Shock. Don’t get me wrong, I was very happy, but part of me didn’t think the test was real. We hugged, kissed, smiled, and quickly started making plans to go to the doctor to confirm. And still, it wasn’t “real” to me just yet. My little brain could not wrap itself around the news that I may be a father. This feeling continued throughout the pregnancy, and it wasn’t until very recently (we are now at 8 months!) that I started to understand and start being able to express my feelings some more. I felt guilty through a lot of the pregnancy wondering why I couldn’t express my feelings the way others could, or why I wasn’t feeling like I was “supposed” to be feeling. Truth be told, I felt peaceful and very happy, but I wasn’t going to start faking and pretending to be someone I’m not and start posting a million things about how excited I was or talk to everyone I could about it…I was just myself. Some days I felt scared, other days I was planning what Lucas (the baby) and I would do on the weekends like soccer, TV, video games, etc.. And other days, I felt like nothing had changed, and if it hadn’t been because Grace was pregnant, I probably would’ve forgotten I was going to be a father in some months’ time.
My conclusion? All reactions are just fine. Those of you who know me know that I don’t really like social media. I think most stuff I see on social media is fake and most of the time I just get annoyed by it all. I haven’t deleted my accounts only because I like the pictures I have (free storage) and because sometimes they’re useful. Anyway back to my original thoughts for this post. Social media has set these expectations on behavior, even though everyone is so different. I think it’s okay to be extremely happy that you run around not being able to contain yourself. I think it’s okay if you start crying. I think it’s okay if you’re just shocked and have no reaction at all. I think it’s okay if you feel scared. I think it’s okay if you just don’t know how to react either. We are all different, and all react in different ways to different things. All I can do is focus on myself and my family and not worry about what other people may think when they don’t see me react the way they think I should. I know Grace and I are extremely happy and we are anxiously awaiting our baby boy to come. We don’t know what to expect and we will learn as we go. And that is just fine by me.